Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey

I appreciate that more recent readers of this blog may find this a bit random and confusing, but every now and again I like to give a little update on the adventures of my pet monkey, failed theology blogger David Sky. Last time I reported on his daring escape from the Taffia don Dai Corleone (see here). But what has he been up to since then? The truth is nothing much. At least that's what I thought. I should have known that he'd been up to something because he's been smiling a bit lately and that's not normal for someone who has to spend most of his life in a dusty corner of my study. Anyway, it transpires that he's only gone and fallen in love. Yes, you did read that right. It wasn't a typo. David Sky has fallen in love. Here's how I got to find out:

GD: What are you looking so happy for?

DS: I'm not looking happy.

GD: Yes you are.

DS: Am I?

GD: Yes.

DS: Doesn't mean that I am.

GD: Something's up isn't it?

DS: Like what?

GD: I dunno, but you must be up to something.

DS: Who, me?

GD: Who else?

DS: I haven't been naughty, honest.

GD: Why else would you be so cheerful?

DS: Well, it isn't that.

GD: What is it then?

DS: Can't say.

GD: Got something to hide have you?

DS: Of course not.

GD: Tell me!

DS: No!

GD: I'm not interested anyway.

DS: Oh.

Five rather awkward and silent minutes later...

GD: C'mon, you can tell me. We're mates aren't we?

DS: Yes...but...

GD: But what?

DS: Well, it's like this. Promise not to laugh now.

GD: I'm a trained pastor. You know that whatever you tell me, however embarrassing, I promise not to laugh.

DS: I'm in love.

GD: What? You're "in love"? Ha, ha, ha, ha! Who's the unfortunate female?

DS: You said you wouldn't laugh!

GD: Yes, but I didn't know that you'd come up with something like that.

DS: No, really, I'm in love.

GD: OK. Who is she. How did you meet?

DS: Well, we kind of bumped into each other a few weeks ago when I was stocking up on tea bags at the local CO-OP shop. Now we contrive to meet in the tea aisle almost every day.

GD: I was wondering why we had so many packets of tea bags in the cupboard. What's her name?

DS: Bathsheba Earth

GD: Interesting name. I didn't know that there were any other talking monkeys around these parts, let alone a female.

DS: Nor did I. I couldn't believe my little monkey eyes when I first saw her. It was love at first sight.

GD: Does she feel the same?

DS: I think so.

GD: This could be serious. Hang on a minute. Did you really just say that it was love at first sight for her too.

DS: Yes, why?

GD: Looked at yourself in the mirror lately?

DS: What's that supposed to mean?

GD: Look, this might not be all that it seems. Bathsheba might be working for Dai Corleone. This could be a honey trap.

DS: What? You think she's going to lure me into the honey isle at CO-OP and pour that horrible sticky stuff all over me so that my fur will get glued to the floor?

GD: No. What I mean is that Dai Corleone could be using her to get to you. He wants you to follow her and then he'll nab you and you'll end up making tea for the Taffia again.

DS: That sounds a bit far fetched.

GD: And you think meeting up with a talking monkey girl who instantly falls in love with you is well within the realms of credibility?

DS: Stranger things have happened. Someone married you didn't they?

GD: Alright, alright. I hope you are right and this is genuine. But be careful, your girl could could be a Taffia femme fatale.

DS: What does that mean?

GD: It's French for "fatal female".

DS: But she isn't French.

GD: You're probably alright then.

But is he? You'll just have to wait and see....