Advice for rookie pastors: On reading

Yeah, I know. You had to read lots of theology and that when in seminary. Some people will tell you that that ain't enough. Strange, huh? But before you get into any bad habits I'm going to give you some reasons why pastors don't need bother much with books. Ready, kiddo? Then let's begin:

1. Just because God gave us the Bible doesn't mean that reading is important. 

2. What's the point in trawling through long books in search of decorative sermons quotes, when you can just pinch some from a golden book of quotations? That'll make you seem learned without the hassle of really being so. 

3.You consult commentaries for your sermon prep, right? That'll do. I mean, what more do people want, exegetical accuracy and theological depth? C'mon. Anyone would think that preaching was meant to be 'theology on fire' or something.

4. By the way, there's no point in reading more than one commentary on a passage because they'll disagree and then you'll have to make your mind up which one's right. Save yourself some bothersome thinking time and always go with your fave bible commentator, without question.

5. There's no point in reading anything published before 2012 because what we need is the latest bang up-to-date 'how to books', not old stuff that people have been reading for centuries. Augustine, John Calvin, Jonathan Edwards, what did they know of being missional in a multimedia age? 

6. E-books are best because it's easier to skim read using a screen than a book. Why bother slowly digesting what you are reading, turning pages etc, when you can zip through a snappy 20-pager in a few minutes and then get on to the next one?

7. If you really feel that you must read some stuff outside what's absolutely needed for sermon prep, but can't be doing with books and that, simply follow some blogs.

That's enough. Don't want to strain your eyes now, do you? 

Advice for rookie pastors: On blogging

'Should I start a blog?' is probably a question that has been spinning in the head of lots of newbie Ministers. After all, many 'big name' preachers like Al Mohler, Gary Benfold and Gary Brady have one, so why shouldn't you? You may even have come across some rather earnest posts explaining Why Every Pastor Should Have a Blog. So, you want my advice? Here goes:

1. You probably won't get many readers, so it's not worth the effort

Don't give me that, 'I only want to blog to improve my writing skills and it doesn't matter who reads the stuff' malarkey. If that was the case, why not simply write Word documents that only your hard drive will get to see? But the fact is that while keeping a blog may give your thoughts an airing, don't expect your stat count to hit the blogging stratosphere. Megabloggers are few and far between. Most just get a handful of hits a day, so what's the point? 

2. Choose the name of your blog carefully

OK. You're still determined to get blogging, even though hardly anyone is going to read your stuff. Fair enough, but now you need to come up with a name for your blog. Don't bother with a title that requires even a modicum of thought to work out, as it will confuse your American readers. Even though I explain I'm an 'Exiled Preacher' because I'm a 'Welsh preacher living in voluntary exile in the South West of England', I still get concerned emails from across the Pond asking why I've been banished to what they must think is the UK's equivalent of Soviet Siberia. 

3. Don't take blogging too seriously 

Having an online journal devoted to theology and ministry doesn't make you a one-man Themelios. Mix up your theological musings, book reviews, reports etc. with a bit of random stuff like spoof advice for rookie pastors and that. It's only blogging. If you were a half-decent writer you'd be properly published in book form. 

4. Lengthy posts are pointless

Hardly anyone will do anything more than skim read your carefully crafted posts and they won't even do that if they have to scroll down more than one or two mouse clicks to get to the end. 

5. Remember that while spotting other people's blog typos may make you feel rather clever, that when people spot yours they will just think you're a bit dim

That's right, typos bring out the hypocrite in us all. We all make mistakes and you are likely to be your blog's only proof reader. Try and deprive pedants of their cruel pleasure by previewing your post before you publish. Even then, many of your posts are probably going to be error strewn and spell-checker won't sort our all your problems. As I compose this post, my Google spell-checker has a red squiggly line under each occurrence of the word blogger, which is a perfectly good word. Ironically Google actually hosts the Blogger service. But if I'd typed 'each occurrence of the worm blogger' by accident, fickle old spell-checker wouldn't have warned me, 'word, silly'. And so you'd have thought that I don't know the difference between 'word' and 'worm'. You may even have left a snarky comment to that effect. As sometimes happens. 

6. Given what I said in #4, that's it, really. 

Advice for rookie pastors: On being a Welsh Minister serving in England

It is said that the entry for Wales in an early edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica was, 'For Wales see England'. However, the two nations are really quite different. So much so that any Welshman called to minister in England should regard himself as a cross-cultural missionary. If you were aspiring to minister in France, would you simply turn up in Paris and say to a Frenchman, "Hiya butt, wannoo be saved, like?' Of course not. You'd buy a beret, a bike, some onions and try to speak a bit of the lingo, 'Je m'appelle Guido' and all that. I've spent all my ministerial life serving in the South West of England so I can learn you a thing or two about ministering to the English with cultural sensitivity. So here goes:

1) The English spoken by the English isn't quite the same as you might be used to in Wales

They say, 'over there' rather than, 'over by there' and 'see you in a minute' not, 'see you now in a minute'. Even if you are a South Walian with not much Welsh, you'll still know that 'achavi' means, 'disgusting' and 'cwtch' means, 'cuddle'. But your people won't, unless you have some fellow Welsh exiles in the congregation. The other day I got a bit carried away when preaching on Matthew 5:40 and said that under the laws of the OT the poor were entitled to have their cloak given in pledge for a debt returned to them at night so they could, 'cwtch up warm'. The Welshies smiled knowingly, but everyone else looked rather baffled. So, if you want to preach to the English you'll have to talk tidy. Right?

2) Your English congregants will notice if you only used rugby-related sermon illustrations when Wales win

If, as often happens these days, Wales win the Six Nations Championship and you make reference to that fact in your preaching, but never say a word when Wales lose, your people will soon suss you out. I've never tried this, but you could always allay their suspicions of sporting bias by saying something nice when England beat France. You never know, might work.

3) English Christians will happily sing appropriately translated Welsh hymns, but that's not all they'll want to sing

Everybody with any sense knows that William Williams was the best hymn writer ever in the history of the church, bar none. That's beyond discussion. But if you only ever pick hymns by Williams or John Elias or Vernon Higham, that might be a bit much for your average English fellowship. Don't be too depressed at that thought though, as the natives have quite a strong indigenous hymn writing tradition of their own. What's more, many of their hymns go well with Welsh tunes. Charles Wesley's Jesu, lover of my soul shouldn't really be sung to anything other than Aberystwyth, Tis finished, the Messiah dies is inseparable from Merthyr Tydfil, Augustus Todplady's A debtor to mercy alone, is unsingable to  any other tune than Trewen, and you can even get away with matching Isaac Watts' When I survey with Llef.  If picking so many English authored hymns seems like cultural sensitivity gone mad, then just remember Paul's great missional imperative, 'to those who are without law [I became] as without law...that I might win those who are without law'. Just do it. 

4) True cross-cultural mission will mean eating the same food as the English

This might come as a shock to you, but there are certain foodstuffs that you won't be able to get in England. I still remember the crushing sense of disappointment I felt on shopping in Finchley Central Tesco when a student at the London Theological Seminary. They didn't sock Glengettie Tea. Like, what is this place? It was a sharp reminder that if the Severn Bidges collapsed into the muddy depths that England would be totally cut off from civilisation. Thayers ice cream is a bit scarce too. No kidding. It's not all bad, though. Some disceringly high class stores like Westbury's Aldi do sell genuine Welsh Cakes, so you needn't starve. Speaking personally, my cultural identification with the people of our area is complete when I eat Wiltshire ham sandwiches. Could be a lot worse. Missionaries to Bedouin tribesmen have to eat sheep's eyes, but you'll be relieved to hear that the English, on the whole, don't go in for that. At least not in the South. 

I know all this might sound a bit daunting if you're a wet behind the ears Welsh preacher to the English. But at least you will now be able to minister in a culturally appropriate manner. Glad to be of service. 

Advice for rookie pastors: Handling Directory Enquiries

Do I look like the bloke(s) from the 118-118 advert to you? No? That's a relief. Maybe you don't either, newbie pastor. But that won't save you from being used as the church Directory Enquiries Service. Do I hear you say that they didn't tell you that at Seminary? Well that's the problem with such institutions; it's all  biblical exegesis, theology, church history, homiletics lessons and stuff, while little attention is given to the everyday practicalities of pastoral life. However, there's no need to fret, tyro preacher man, my 'Advice for rookie pastors' posts will tell you all need to know about the mundanities of of Ministry. 

When it comes to Directory Enquiries you'll encounter a number of types of call:

1) Your own people who can't find their list of Church Members' phone no's and so ring you

Always best to handle this kind of call with patience and friendliness, even though it might have interrupted a crucial point in your sermon prep, lest you find yourself preaching on 'love one another' or the like the following Sunday. 

2) Members of another church who for some reason ring you by mistake

It doesn't help if your name is similar to the pastor to whom they really want to speak. In Westbury there is a Dai Davies as well as yours truly. Confusing, eh? Best to disabuse the caller before they start telling you all their problems.

3) Members of the general public who ring you when they really wanted to speak to another Minister

'No, I'm not Dai Davies, he's the other one.'

4) Family historians

Be brisk and tell them to ring the Country Records Office before they start telling you the long and detailed story of how they are descended from one of Charles II's illegitimate sons and are therefore by rights next in line to the throne. 

So, now you know. Watch this blog for more valuable advice on things they never told you at Seminary.